I want to be the one who has all the fun,
I want to be the one who has time to get my fingers nails done.
I wouldn’t have to beg to get things fixed and errands done.
And I would be the real mother of your daughter and your son.

I want to be collecting the alimony
And spending money on a Shetland Pony.
Instead of feeding my kids stale bread and bologna.
I want to be eating steak, potatoes and alfredo macaroni.

I would be the one that you couldn’t say “no” to,
And everything we did would be exciting and new.
Our family would be one, not divided in two,
And holiday schedules wouldn’t be a darn-right hullabaloo.

Instead of spending my life in minivans,
And washing the dishes and doing the pans,
I would be making our vacation plans,
Seeing the world, and maybe even holding hands.

It’s not that I am complaining you see,
And I’m not saying that I want to be set free.
But you surely must agree,
A second wife is not easy to be.

So the next time you notice some surface tension,
Or you are trying for a little affection.
Maybe try giving me a little attention
And that ex-wife of yours don’t mention.